The Use of Explosions
by A Certain Random Guy
Summary: Everyone - including Louise herself - believes she is a failure. She can only cast explosions after all, so what else could she be? Well, the strange commoner she summoned as a familiar have another point of view. ONE-SHOT SERIES
1. The Use of Explosions

The entire class seemed that dedicated to insult the pinkette that called herself his 'master', calling her 'The Zero' while refering to her supposed lack of magical talent. He had to admit, she was quite earning of respect, ignoring all of it and standing up to do the little exercise the teacher had imposed upon her. But he had enough of all that playboy atitude from her classmates - it was bad enough back home with the rich guys that thought they owned the place, but this nobles were just as bad as he expected them to be.

"Louise, may I ask you a question before you do as the teacher asked" Saito asked just loud enough for the entire class to hear, in the most innocent tone he could. The entire class, that had been mocking Louise just a moment before turned to him. Louise, that was on her way to the center of the room, did so and answered

"What do you want, familiar?" her tone was so distasteful he was almost able to see a dark aura appearing on her back, like the ones he usually saw on anime and manga.

"Is it simply because they are students, or are all nobles as stupid as your classmates?" he dropped the bomb and got an instant reaction. Curious looks turned into distateful looks as the nobles pondered how should such an unrespectul commoner should be punished. He noticed that even Tabitha, the small bluette that was with a book in her hands, had stopped reading to look at him - though with a look that betrayed nothing. Louise gasped at the question, not sure if she should be shocked by it, embarassed that it was her familiar that had asked or angry at him. Before she could voice any of those feelings, he continued "I mean, it's either that, or this place is more backwards than I thought..."

At that, he opened the laptop he kept on top of the table and turned it on, making his point. He had brought the device to the classroom in hopes that the teacher would be a little more open-minded and actually try to understand his explanations on how it worked, since Louise simply kept on dismissing it as magical, even when he went through the trouble of actually opening it to show the pieces. Now it helped him get the time he needed to show his point before being killed in some horrific way.

It worked well enough as the death glare (oh, he was watching way too much anime) he was receiving from everyone wavered just enough. Everyone was still in too much of a shock to actually anwer, until Tabitha of all people took the iniciative with a simple word: "Reason?"

"Why, but it should be obvious..." he answered with as much comtempt as he could "First of all, it seems all of you are utterly suicidal since I noticed the focus of pretty much all of your insults have been aimed at Louise both yesterday and today. Now, such acts towards a classmate are already something that should be beneath the likes of so-called 'nobles', at least the kind I know of, but you all make a point to focus such childness at the most dangerous person in this classroom" he pointed at his supposed 'master'. The confused looks he got were enough to show they actually were as stupid as they sounded "Seriously, Louise explode things when she doesn't want to. If she was actively trying to kill you all, I don't think it would be too hard for her to actually get the title of 'Zero', if simply because that was the amount of remains that would be left"

Their dread was enough for him to laugh himself off for at least a minute - the realisation that they had really been playing with fire. Not like he knew if Louise could actually do something like that, but it didn't matter. What really mattered was the possibility that she just might have been able to.

"But that is not all, no it isn't" he really couldn't help the smirk that appeared on his face "I believe I heard one of you talking about your father's feats as a general. Not surprising, considering nobles usually hold such high military ranks - it's part of their noblesse oblige, after all. But it is quite entertaining that the son of a general would not see the usefulness of such skills in the battlefield. A fort that was considered inexpugnable could be opened by a well placed explosion, archers in superior ground could be defeated by destroying the land beneath them...My people have long since mastered the power of explosions and they are terryfing, if I do say so" at that, he turned his laptop - which he had previously been using, preparing a certain video - for everyone to see. With the press of a button, he played the documentary he had downloaded about the Tzar Bomba, the greatest atomic bomb ever built. Back during the Cold War it was considered an impractical weapon - it was far too heavy, far too expensive and it greatly endangered the lives of the pilots that deployed it - but for this case it would serve well as a demonstration (just like it had back home). He couldn't know if the rest of the people in the room could understand the english narration, since he had yet to test how whatever translated his language to everyone else and vice-versa really worked. But it was not necessary, as the video - that was jumped for just the right moment - displayed the full power of fifty megatons hitting the ground and turning everything around to ashes. To him, that grew up watching action movies, playing all kinds of video games and seeing news of wars in the TV it was already something that caused quite a bit of awe. For this bunch of medieval religious fanatical kids, it must have been horrifying. That's why he let them absorb what they had just saw for a moment before continuing. Thinking about it, the fact that he had actually shown a video to them must be just equally terrifying.

"As you can see, explosions are something to be aware of, but that doesn't mean they aren't useful. A well placed explosion can be used to expand a mine and, believe it or not, the vehicles of my people use small explosion to move, though probably not in the way you all are imagining" he closed his laptop as he continued "So, Louise, I asked that question because not only your classmates lack the most basic instincts of survival, they also lack any form of foresight as to the uses of an ability that, from what I gathered, is no less than unique. Not only that, but they lack the drive for knowledge that let my people, that never used magic, achieve all kinds of things you can only imagine. None here, not even the teacher, tried to study your 'failures' in more dept. I heard all your spells end up in explosions. Maybe your explosions are, in itself, a new element that could expand the knowledge of magic greatly" he rose up and calmly walked towards the door, but stopped right in front of it and turned his head, a smirk on his face "Though I must apologize. I think I read somewhere it's considered rude for a mere 'commoner' to deny the words of a noble and prove them wrong, right?" and then he walked through the door holding his laptop under his left arm while everyone else simply watched in silence.

If that was the kind of reaction he would see while he was here, maybe he would have some fun before finding his way back home

* * *

**And here is another of my Familiar of Zero one-shots. This one with a OOC Saito - because seriously, the original's stupidity is almost insulting - and a little discussion regarding Louise's power. Seriously now, don't you think it's quite interesting how no-one saw the military potential of Louise's explosion? Not even her mother, Karin The Heavy Wind herself, an experienced battle mage? That was something I always wanted to address, but since my on-going fanfic didn't give this kind of opening I decided to write a whole new thing.**

**Now, as I said with the others, I don't plan on expanding this one, though the possibility is a lot larger than it is for ****_The Faceless Familiar_**** and ****_The Undead Familiar_****. Why? Because I don't need to follow a chronological order (since this one happens after the summoning ritual) and I can simply rant about some other stupidities that can be found in the Zeroverse (?).**


	2. Spying, Music and Acting like a Noble

The music inside the tavern was not anything special, but it was good enough, specially so when the biggest selling point of the Charming Fairies Inn was not it's overly capable bards. After all, who cares about the music when you your wine is served by a buxom maid in nothing short of vapor wear? The line between "inn" and "brothel" was almost non-existent if you asked Saito. Not that he was against it - "prostitution is the world's oldest profession" after all. What he couldn't make sense of was why he was working there.

He knew the answer, of course: a request from Princess Henrietta de Tristain made directly to his "master", one that he knew the moment he heard was not fit to neither of them (a fact he was certain to mention to no avail). The spying itself was a lot easier than he expected, adding one more thing to the _List of Noble's Stupidities_ he created mentally during his stay in Halkegenia, since the "conspirators", as Henrietta called them, didn't seem to care one bit about discretion.

Maybe it was because most nobles treated commoners as something less than human. That meant Saito could do something that back home would be obviously considered eavesdropping and that here was amazinly ignored. He could not forget the time that he went to clean a table (an exception made because the inn was really full and the table was the closest to the kitchen) and the two occupants literaly blurted out a part of their little evil plan to overthrow the princess with him just in front of them.

But now his attention was actually focused on the music, as he realized another abnormality this world and its magic had. The music told of the skill of some knight – that was probably a local hero – as he defended the kingdom against an invasion by Gallia. Contents notwithstanding, what gathered his attention was the fact that he could understand it full well and it didn't sound like some literal translation that ignored the rhythm and the rhymes.

He had already learned how to read and write in the local language – that was actually the first thing he commited himself to do – so he knew that however it was that the summoning ritual translated everything he spoke (and helped a huge lot when he started learning the intricate alphabet used in Halkegenia) the language he heard as japanese was not even remotely close to it. It was a romance language that resembled more of an archaic french, the transition between french and latin being the closest equivalent he knew.

But here he was, listening to a song without any loss in content or musicality, and it made him thoroughly confused. Because he was not listening to it in japanese, but in the local language (halkegenian, maybe?) that he did not speak. Although maybe here was not the best place to think about it lest he wanted to lose some information he could have gathered; and let Louise cause property damage, that was just as worryi-

No, Louise was _not_ taking a bottle of wine to the tax collector's table, was she? Didn't she pay the slightest bit of attention when Scarron explained what to do and what to avoid doing?

"What is Louise doing?!" hissed Jessica beside him, voicing his thougts. Saito didn't care to answer, already slowly leaving the kitchen and getting closer to his personal pink, tsunderish hell and preparing, a hand on his pocket in case it came to worse, already turning his flashlight on.

That was something he found really amusing about nobles: if they didn't understand it and it looked cool or useful, it was most certainly magical. That meant most (of the few) things that came with him when he was summoned usually caused people to suddenly treat people with respect. After he spent some time studying and creating a convincing alias, even more (though he didn't really like using it).

An alias he would have to use right about now as Louise, as expected, angered the "customer". As the fat, plain looking man raised his wand to cast whatever kind of spell, Saito rushed in, took the wood stick out of his hands and took his flashlight out, pointing it directly to the eyes of his target, making him yelp and cover them.

"I'd be really pleased if you would not use magic against the workers here, mister" Saito said confidently "This one is simply inexperienced and does not deserve such harsh treatment"

The noble didn't take more than a moment to stop blinking and look at him with a furious glare and exclaiming "Who do you think you are?! I'm the royal tax collec-"

"Are you? Well, mister tax collector, I am Saito of Clan Hiraga of the country of Japan, a land you most certainly didn't hear about" he put as much disdain and disgust in his tone as possible "Unlucky for you, it seems. That flash was just a warning, but if you want to see the magic of the lands beyond Rub' al Khali, I will be more than glad to show you"

That set him and the guards that came with him on edge. Saito certainly didn't look like a native, didn't wear native clothes and as far as they knew, wielded a strange light magic. But of course, the fool could not lose face, could he?

"I-I..I will have you arrested for this!In the name of th-" he tried to get the upperhand, only for Saito to cut him off again

"In the name of who? The Princess? The one that so politely welcomed me in her own palace and provided me with special documents?" at that he took the paper the princess gave him and Louise when the mission started, the formal request that they worked on their mission. Louise wanted to keep it stored, but he knew it better and it paid off now. Not that he would let the man read it, mind you, but a royal seal meant something "It's a shame that such a regal person have scum like you working for her and threatening her guests, is it not? Maybe I should go talk to her right now about your behaviour, yes?"

"N-no, p-p-please" the man answered, trembling – confidence finally broken. "I-I will go out a-and will n-not annoy you any longer alright?"

Saito stared at the man in a way that he hoped was threathening enough, keeping silent for a few seconds before answering "Get out of my face"

That got an instant reaction as the low noble pratically sprinted out of the inn without looking back, along with his guards. The entire place was silent as Saito simply walked up to the coin bag that was dropped by the tax collector on his way out

"Well, Louise, it seems you won the tip race" he said as he opened it, and took a coin out, playing with it in his hand.

"YOU'RE A NOBLE?!" the whole staff asks at once.

That was why he didn't like using that alias

* * *

**Quite a while since my last update, huh? I said I might write other one-shots like the first one, and here it is.**

**This time I explore more than one of the things that bug me about Halkegenia and, to be honest, I didn't find this one nearly as funny or interesting as the first one. Better I let you decide that I guess.**

**Now, I'm accepting suggestions to change the fic's name, since the current name only applies to the first chapter. I also will accept ideas regarding what else in the Zeroverse (?) you guys find funny, irritating or just strange.**

**Last of all, for those of you that read my other ongoing fanfic, I did NOT abandon that. I got about a third of the chapter done but, as I said there, my time is really limited right now.**

** See you all next time**


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